Jenn Burton of Single Smart Female on A Method for Dating That Leads to Love

BBR 263 | Dating That Leads To Love

BBR 263 | Dating That Leads To Love

Women dream of dating that leads to love. However, if you keep losing a guy in ten days or if he did manage to stick around but you quickly turn that relationship dysfunctional within six months, when do you realize that you’re doing those things? Women always think it’s just the men or bad luck or perhaps they really have no clue at all that they are the catalyst for the shit storm they have going on in their love life. Dating expert and romantic fairy godmomma to smart, successful single women all around the world, Jenn Burton is known for orchestrating dating that leads to love by magically ushering in stable, fun, witty, and insanely attractive men who will love, adore and romance you without expecting you to compromise your career, success, or genuine self for any of it. After years of dysfunctional relationships and crappy dating experiences, Jenn decided to take matters into her own hands and developed a dating method for creating the most magical experiences that lead to love.

Thank you to Cardiff D. Hall, author of Tide Turners for introducing today’s episode. What he loves about The Business Building Rockstars Show is Nicole, first off, is a rockstar herself. The level and the depth of questions that she asked the guests are insightful and make you want to listen a little bit more as you drive or jog or walk or whatever you do to listen to podcast. Her energy is contagious. I love the BBR Show.

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Jenn Burton of Single Smart Female on A Method for Dating That Leads to Love

I'm super excited to have one of my favorite clients and favorite people, Jenn Burton. This lady is so cool on so many different levels. If you haven't heard her podcast, Single Smart Female, you got to check it out. Welcome, Jenn. I'm so excited to have you here.

Thank you and I'm thrilled to be here with you as well. Thank you for having me.

Before we dive in, give everyone more of a nuts and bolts, what are you doing day-to-day to serve and support your people?

What I do on a daily basis is I create quite a bit of content to serve smart single women around the world by producing our podcast. I've created several self-study programs that they can access whenever a woman would like to at her convenience. I also have a group program called The Courage Kit. We get to interact with some amazing women, as well as my private clients. If you wrap it all up, that's how I show up for women.

Who are the perfect women for you and why are they the perfect women for you? Who are you serving and why do they come to you?

Women typically come to me when they need help with rearranging their dating life so that they can have more of what they want romantically. I always serve single women specifically and these women tend to be high achieving professionals. I also serve high achieving entrepreneurs, but I tend to see more of professionals in their career world.

Even if you're like, “I'm a guy or I'm an entrepreneur or I'm married,” do not shut this episode off because you know somebody who is going to need Jenn’s help and I guarantee it. Now that we've covered who you serve and how you serve, let's talk about you and your story. How long have you been a dating coach?

I've been consulting with women's dating life unofficially since 2006 and officially since 2010.

What specifically led you to doing this? How did you figure out that this is my thing, that where you’re needed?

It started off by being the woman who always got it wrong in dating and love. For instance, I often like to say, “I was good at being the woman who could lose a guy in ten days.” I probably should have been the star of that movie, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. If a man did manage to stick around, I could turn that relationship dysfunctional within six months.

When you were doing those things, did you realize you were doing those things?

I had no clue. I always thought it was men or just bad luck. I had no clue that it was me who was the catalyst for the shitstorm that I had going on in my love life.

How long was that going on before you did figure it out?

Since the first guy I talked to in eighth grade. It's been going on for a long time.

You were the girl that had men coming and going and you were all about them and all in and you would drive them away. Is that right?

Yes, I had been boy crazy since I was in kindergarten and I never understood. I focused all this attention on men and I thought I was being their ideal of a woman or a girl, whatever stage of life I was in, and I was so wrong. Just so very wrong.

What changed?

In 2006, I did manage to finally get married to an Englishman. We ended up splitting up and I moved to another city so that we can have a true split up to see whether or not we wanted to be together. At that point in time, we came back together for our third year anniversary and I realized the entire relationship was about him. I enjoyed almost nothing about it. We'd already been in marriage counseling for a couple of years at this point. We were having sexual relations earlier that day and I realized it was nothing about me. It was all about him and what he wanted and how everything felt to him.

That night, very distraught and heartbroken, I fell on my knees and prayed to God, “Please tell me what I need to do.” Three days later, I met a man who looked at me and said after a great conversation, “May I take you out on a real date?” Immediately, we went into this whirlwind romance, where I felt things with a man that I had never felt in my entire life. I felt adored and cared for and special. The moment that I asked my husband for divorce, that man disappeared. To say I was devastated was an understatement. That devastation turned into obsession.

BBR 263 | Dating That Leads To Love
Dating That Leads To Love: I felt things with a man that I had never felt in my entire life. I felt adored and cared for and special.

You asked your husband for a divorce and then this man disappeared. Was it just that simple or did he know you were asking for a divorce? What do you think led to that?

He had no clue that I had asked for a divorce. It happened at the same time. It was synchronicity. I realize now that this man was a gift in my life who opened me up for everything I'm doing now and how I'm helping women. At the time, I thought it was bad luck and then thinking, “I don't know what I'm doing with men at all.” It was the perfect catalyst for learning to do things differently.

I signed up with a group of women in New York who was studying women's sensuality and started doing things in a completely different fashion. I also started studying every dating book I could. My intent when I started all this was to get his attention again. What it led to was an opportunity to do dating in a completely different manner. Before I realized that, I had created my own dating method, which I call Mantourage Dating, which is dating more than one man at a time until you find your forever man or indefinitely if you so choose.

How did things change for you in your personal life as you were uncovering that system?

What I realized is when I started doing things in a completely different manner and I started to put the attention on myself instead of men, that men started crawling out of the woodwork to treat me well, to be with me. I was very rarely the woman that men were like, “Will you be my girlfriend,” right away. That started happening and I was processing this as research instead of diving straight into that with different men. It also led to my current husband and we've been together for over eleven years now.

I am sponsoring this episode myself via my service that I call Interviews that Convert. If you are a business owner and you have a service or a product that is specifically targeted to a clear and niche audience, then I might be able to help you get more visibility, more leads and more sales through podcast guesting. Since I was first introduced to podcasting, I have fallen in love with the medium. I took a specific and special interest in how podcast guests can deliver the most value to audiences and hosts from their interview.

Not only that, but I've also explored how to provide the next step in a way that's compelling and turns listeners into leads and hosts into raving fans. I'd say I've cracked the code and so would my clients. These days, what I am doing most that lights me up is representing business owners like you and helping them get more visibility, more leverage and more market share by booking them on podcasts that their target buyers are listening to.

If you've thought about guesting yourself but haven't been sure how to go about doing it or haven't known who to contact, I'd love to hear from you. Maybe you have been podcast guesting yourself, but you haven't yet seen the results that you had hoped for, that is super common. Don't feel bad about it, but please reach out and let me know. I may be able to help you grow exponentially through podcast guesting opportunities. You can learn more by reaching out to me at Support@InterviewsThatConvert.com or give me a call at 289-272-0374. Let's find out how I can help you grow your business through podcast guesting. Looking forward to hearing from you soon and now back to the program.

You figured that out. You recognize there's a problem, you sought support and you implemented and I'm assuming had fun with it. Why do you think more women don't do that? Correct me if I'm wrong, but a lot of women, we accept and settle for what is and don't actually look for or demand or expect greatness. Is that something that you're seeing as well and if so, why do you think that is?

Women tend to settle because there's this fear of male scarcity. It's an irrational fear regardless of what science tells us. They don't want to spend their life alone and they will settle for the first guy that ticks off some of the boxes and then other women too, will say, “I'm not going to settle.” They're afraid of their romantic vulnerability. They will push man after man away and disqualifying him for arbitrary reasons.

With the women that you work with, do you find that women recognize that and that's why they come to you? Or do you find that women are unaware and then they come across you or learn about you and then they're like, “There's more. I can have it better?”

Yes and yes. What happens is some women do recognize it right away or they are the women that have been pushing men away for a while, but they want somebody and they just don't know how to find that person that matches with them. They start seeking me out. There's a good percentage of women, possibly even the majority, that come to me because one of my biggest Google search results is about a man who has gone MIA or has disappeared on you.

It's somebody that they're interested in and they like who makes them feel something below the belt that they haven't felt in a very long time and all of a sudden, he'll disappear on them. They're freaking out a little bit because they want that feeling again. It's a very addictive feeling and this same feeling, every woman is susceptible to, regardless of how strong she is, how educated she is, how successful she is. Then they find me because I'm not telling them, “You just need to forget about him.” They start to learn about all the things that they can do to open themselves up to real life, love and romance.

From an entrepreneurial standpoint, how did you wind up turning this into a business? How did you wind up going from the realization that you had and the experience that you had of Mantourage Dating and landing your forever man, and realizing, “I need to help other women and I can make money from this?”

I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur since I was very little and I never would find the right methodology or the right industry. I enjoyed it, but it was never, “This is exactly where I'm supposed to be.” In 2006, when I started doing my dating life differently and I was sharing that within the groups that I was in at the time, a lot of women started coming to me and asking me how I was creating all this. It was insanely fun. I was having so much fun with men and men were stepping up in ways I never even imagined. That kept going on for several years and in 2010, a woman came to me and she said, “Can I pay you to teach me this?” It had never occurred to me before then that I was even qualified on any level to charge for it. When she said that, I said, “Of course, you can pay me to teach you this. Let's do it.”

We started there and from there having conversations with her about what was going on in her life, she decided that she would like to be doing this with a lot of her girlfriends as well. I hosted my very first in-person class and we showed up for the meet and greet where women just brought women that they knew that were single. I told my story. I told exactly how I met my now husband, the processes that it was going through. I was charging $350 at that time for a six-week class of once a week that we would meet together. This was in-person in 2010 and thirteen of the fifteen women signed up for the class. I knew at that point that that was evidence that this is a strong pain point for women. That I had something that could make them feel alive and control in the context of dating and love.

Were you all in then or were you like, “I'm doing this.” I imagine you had something to actually pay your bills at the time other than that class.

I had some insecurities surrounding this at the time and I opened up another brick and mortar business, hiding from the fact. I wanted it to be my platform to say, “Here, I have this. Why don't you hire me for this,” and they had nothing to do with each other. It took me falling on my face hard with my brick and mortar business to realize that I was using it as a cover-up for who I am and what I wanted to do as an entrepreneur.

I want to appreciate you for going there. Can you talk to us about that process? What it was like for the smash, bang, boom of the brick and mortar, what it was like to go through that and how did you realize it as a wake-up call? Sometimes when we go through things that are embarrassing, stressful, upsetting, scary, we don't necessarily realize it in the moment that this is the best thing that could've happened to us.

I'm pretty sure I didn't fully realize that. I don't know if I had an inkling that it was something that good that was about to happen, but it was extraordinarily painful. This was tens of thousands of dollars that I lost in this build out of the small business and things like that. I felt my credibility as a business owner was stomped on. I knew that the only person responsible ultimately was me, which hurt even more. At that point in time, even though I knew I was stepping into being a dating consultant, I didn't know exactly how that looked on a full-time basis. I didn't know that people would find me credible as this being run as a business.

BBR 263 | Dating That Leads To Love
Dating That Leads To Love: It took me falling on my face hard with my brick and mortar business to realize that I was using it as a cover-up for who I am and what I wanted to do.

It’s like that impostor syndrome that we all go through at a point.

I felt like a huge fraud.

If you can pinpoint, what was the thing or what were the things that shifted that for you?

As I started learning about online marketing and stepping into an online space and I started getting clients that were not specifically local. I had women from literally around the world, Australia, India, Kenya, Dubai, England, Canada, everywhere that we're saying, “I want to take your classes and work with you.” That was gigantic validation for everything that I was doing and stepping into and realizing that I was headed in the right direction.

Since then, you've grown in so different ways. You've hit it home with that virtual online program or that presence where you are accessible to women all over the world who needs your support. Do you have any tips about how somebody who is maybe where you were and realizing there is this whole space and they're ready and willing to embrace online marketing, do you have any tips or strategies that helped you get from serving locally?

Initially, social media was a big thing and joining other business classes was very helpful because a lot of people would meet me in there and then they would sit and everybody has a single friend. They would start sharing my information and I had put together sales pages, all that stuff. I'm a big, huge proponent of podcasting. It hits more of my audience than some of the traditional social media marketing has in the past. I absolutely adore podcasting. If you can do it in a way I use it. It's my primary marketing arm right now and it's fantastic and it works very well. It's taken off faster than any of my other marketing pieces.

I'm so excited that that's the case and you've been doing such big things and you started out doing a YouTube channel prior to doing the audio podcast.

I put my audio podcast up on YouTube as well. YouTube never was my specific audience, so I didn't put a lot. I would put stuff up just to have a host, but I didn't put a lot of emphasis there. I wasn't trying to build community there, all that stuff that you should do if your audience is indeed on YouTube. I still have it there and I upload my audio podcasts and if I have any sales videos, I will host them there as well.

Your podcast, the audio aspect of it has taken off and you've gotten recognized by some big names and you have this huge following. That's exciting that that's been so beneficial for you. For folks who would love to continue the conversation with you or maybe have a friend that they want to have continue conversation with you or start the conversation with you, what is the best way for them to connect?

For your audience, they can find me at JennBurton.com/Nicole. They are going to find a very special resource curated for them to help them with their dating life.

I appreciate you putting that together for my audience and their friends or family or loved ones, what have you. Do you have any final words of wisdom that you can share with entrepreneurs about how to build a business around something that they've cracked the code on like you did?

An important piece is while you’re building your business, something we tend to neglect is our love lives. It's important for people to save a space. I understand that you're going to spend a lot of time on your business and you're going to do some amazing things with it and you have to believe in yourself and keep taking those consistent action, work with someone like Nicole, but don't neglect that other piece of you. It does filter and help animate you for everything you're going to need in order to create the empire that you want.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom with us. I really appreciate it, Jenn.

My pleasure. Thank you for having me, Nicole.

Resources mentioned:

About Jenn Burton

BBR 263 | Dating That Leads To LoveDating Expert and Romantic Fairy Godmomma to smart, successful single women all around the world, Jenn Burton is known for magically ushering in stable, fun, witty, and insanely attractive men who will love, adore & romance you without expecting you to compromise your career, success, or genuine self for any of it!

After years of dysfunctional relationships & crappy dating experiences, Jenn decided to take matters into her own hands, and developed a dating method for creating the most magical experiences that lead to love.


Thanks again to Cardiff D. Hall for supporting the Business Building Rockstars Show.

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